Clothing. Introduced after the fall, a necessity of life, and a matter of overwhelming complexity. There is no escape from the great American clothing argument. There is no escape from the uncomfortable fact that what you wear says volumes about who you are. First impressions are formed on your outer appearance and, whether we like it or not, people make initial assumptions about your personality, taste, and status based simply on the clothing you happen have hung on your body.
As women, the clothing issue bears
special depth and significance. We are wonderfully crafted, intricately
designed by a God who makes no mistakes. Our bodies are special and how we
choose to cover (or uncover) those bodies is one of the oldest and hottest
topics in Christian circles throughout the centuries.
Titus 2 commands older women to instruct
younger women to be discreet and though the word “modest” doesn’t appear in
this passage, modesty and discretion go hand in hand. So, how does one counsel
young women who are wondering about modesty? Why are so many Christian girls
struggling so much with this issue? I am no oracle, but as a young woman barely
out of my teens I hope to throw a little perspective on what does and doesn’t
work in the mind of a teenage girl.
Growing up in the homeschool community,
I observed a number of families use a number of approaches to regulate clothing
choices in their homes and I came to the conclusion that modesty is so much
more than a shopping list or a user’s manual. It’s so much more than skirts vs.
pants, inches in an inseam, or the cut of a shirt. Modesty touches at the very
roots of our philosophy. It is a deep and weighty topic and should be handled
as such.
You can’t hand a girl a list of ‘wears’
and ‘don’t wears’ and expect her to be modest. I’ve seen plenty of skirts that
brush the floor and are definitely revealing. I’ve seen plenty of shirts that
cover everything but still allure. If a young woman wants to attract, she will
find a way. The rule book won’t prevent it.
You also can’t motivate a young woman to
dress correctly simply by telling her that if she doesn’t she might cause a brother
to stumble. This is not necessarily a bad argument in and of itself, but it
should land farther down on the list of approaches than it often does. Telling
a young woman who is just becoming conscious of her feminine charms ‘don’t wear
this or guys will notice you’ is counter-productive—unless her philosophy is
right. If her philosophy is right, then you shouldn’t need to use this argument
at all. It should fall into place by itself.
In order to instill modesty in a young
woman, to guarantee that she will continue to dress modestly once she leaves
the guidance of her parent’s home, you must instill in her two vital beliefs.
You must teach them to her at home and then apply them as you browse the racks
at Target. When she leaves the home she must cherish two simple truths: God’s
holiness and her own self-worth.
A young woman should have a strong sense
of self-respect. If she views herself as a dignified, respectable woman, she
will want to dress as a dignified, respectable woman. If she understands that
her body is a special gift from God meant solely for her husband and her
Savior, she will desire to guard it instead of visually giving herself cheaply
to every man she passes on the sidewalk. She is a precious piece of artwork.
She has value. She needs to understand that discretion in her clothing choices
doesn’t make her a nerd, it makes her a self-possessed, respectable woman.
Finally, the more a young woman knows
God in her heart, the more she reads his word and understands his character,
the more she will love him and want to please him. As a young woman grows to
love and value her God and begins to understand his spotless nature, she
begins to see herself less and less and her God more and more. Her desire to by
sexy or alluring fades out and her desire to reflect the holiness of
her God grows. No need to give her a list of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ because she has
rooted her sense of modesty deep within her worldview, her philosophy of life,
her view of God.
As a teenager, I had three particularly
wonderful pastor’s wives and a particularly wonderful and beautiful mother. All
of these women, though varying greatly in style, were examples of pretty,
stylish dressers who never erred in their modesty. As a growing young lady they
showed me that it is possible to look nice, fashionable, and beautiful without
inappropriately showing off your body.
Not everyone has such examples in their
lives, so be that example to the young women around you. Be the example of
beautiful modesty to the girls in your church, your younger sisters, your
roommates. Don’t make modesty an easy fix list or a guilt trip, make it a part
of who you are and teach them to make it a part of who they are. Only when the
roots of modesty reach deep into the worldview will we see a change in dressing
patterns. So don’t tell girls to dress modestly; teach them to be modest as a part of who they are—beautiful,
dignified, children of the Most High.
